sex & the city and the unrealistic friendship trope

who goes to brunch that much???

I’ve been a SATC fan for as long as I can remember. I was way too young to be watching it at 13 but you know what? That’s life. Now that it’s on Netflix and everyone is streaming it at the same time, I decided to join in and rewatch it for about the 10th time.

As I watched the 4 main characters galavant NYC while looking for love, it dawned on me how unrealistic their friendship dynamics really were. Because of them, I grew up thinking that no matter what, I’d always have a group of close friends who I’d do everything with and would be available to brunch with me multiple times a week. But that unfortunately, is just not the case.

Here are some points that stuck out to me that is just plain unrealistic amongst female friendships:

1. no one is ever available that much

Throughout every episode of every season, every one of the girls seems to be available to hang out with each other all the time. Despite Miranda being a mom and successful lawyer, Samantha constantly working with celebrities, Charlotte running a gallery, and Carrie writing her column, books, and making everything about herself, they always find time to meet for drinks or at a diner almost every day, no matter what is going on in their lives.

Now as fun as that sounds, last time I checked as a grown up it unfortunately sometimes takes days, weeks, and sometimes even months for you and your friends’ to align on a time that works best for both of you, and what about your friends who don’t live in the same city as you? Now that’s tough.

2. arguing was portrayed weird

I’m not saying you need to argue with your friends, but seeing eye to eye with your besties on every single thing is not that realistic. In SATC, that rarely occurred, and when it did it was usually Carries fault but no one really cared to let her know. I can name a handful of fights where Carrie was out of line, like the time she judged Samantha for what she did with the delivery guy in public, or when she yelled at Charlotte for not offering her money, or when she ditched Miranda to be with a guy. During those arguments, sometimes we’d get lucky and they’d let her know she was in the wrong, but a lot of the times they’d let it go and let her passive aggressive comments continue at brunch the next day. I doubt that would be appreciated IRL.

3. do friendship groups really stay that close forever?

As the seasons went on, the girls remained close till the end of the show. No matter what was going on in their lives throughout the years, engagements, marriages, children, career changes, they were able to remain as close as they were in the very first episode.

LOL what? I think most people can agree that the older you get, the busier you get, and you and your friendship group may not remain as close as the first years you hung out with one another. That doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it just means you’re living life.

As much as I love Samantha, not seeing her in And Just Like That made their friendship dynamic seem a bit more realistic for TV purposes. Her getting upset that Carrie didn’t need her as a publicist anymore didn’t seem like something Samantha would get mad over but it did seem like something a normal girl in the world might get mad over. Having their friendship group dynamic change in their later years made all more sense than what was portrayed in the show.

Despite this unrealistic friendship trope, it is still one of my favorite shows to this day. Seeing parts of myself in every girl at different phases in their life is what makes the show incredible (and of course, the clothes) but for the first time watchers: please don’t think you’re bad at friendships because of them. I mean, are real women in their late 30’s who are juggling life, kids, careers, marriages, family, health, and more seeing their friends at a bar or diner almost every day? I doubt it. Of course make time for your friends but don’t feel guilty for not being able to be there for them 24/7. Good friends will understand, and better friends will want to hear all about what you’ve been up to the minute you meet up.